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The Toy


A friend of mine recently asked my advice about what to do regarding a man in her life.  This was a guy that, according to her, only wanted her when he was horny or when she talked about breaking off the relationship.  In her heart, she seemed to know she needed to get away from the guy, but wasn’t sure she could do it.

This is what I said to her:

When I was a kid, I collected HO scale military models. I got them from my 7th and 8th grade history teacher whenever I scored 100 on a test and I scored a lot of 100s.

I loved those toys and played with them constantly... until my interests started turning to other things. But the models were safely stored in a paper bag in my closet so I could play with them whenever I wanted.

One day, when I was about 15, I decided I wanted to play with the models after a couple years of not. I went to look for them and they weren't there. It turns out my mother had given them away about a year before. "Well, you never played with them anymore and your closet was too full. You needed room for other stuff, so I gave them to the boy across the road. He loved them!"

Do you get where I'm going with this?

Do you want to be the toy that never gets played with until there's danger it might get taken by someone else?

I can't speak for all men. One of the things I've found is that I see things differently than most men. I don't like the things they like, I don't act the way they do, I rarely hang out with other guys.

What I can say is based on what I've seen my fellow males do through the 5 decades I've been on the planet.

There are men who are basically children. They like toys. They like to collect things, like cars and bikes and girls. They won't ever play with all the toys they have, but woe to anyone who tries to take or even use one of their toys.

And there are men who are basically sociopaths. They only care about what they want. They're very good at faking emotions and, because they have no empathy, are geniuses at getting people to do what they want. The only reason they maintain any sort of relationship is if it's of benefit to them. The minute they get no benefit from the relationship, they abandon it.

And there are the abusers. You know the ones I'm talking about. They abuse and degrade the women they're with and get violently angry whenever that woman tries to get away.

What I'm trying to say here is that this isn't about you. It's about him. You're not doing anything wrong. It's just that he only needs you as someone to occasionally play with. The only time he's concerned is when his toy might be taken away.

Does he have other playmates? Other women in his life? It wouldn't surprise me if he did.

You've got to decide what you want to do. If you're okay with being his occasional play toy, then that's all cool. If you want more than that out of a relationship, you need to break it off with this dude and never look back.

Move forward.

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